Corporate

A Little Letter A Minute After Three

Hello, what is Meta Professional mode? I just intend to keep the followers and friends from the past to be updated with whatever’s happening with me. Suddenly, tadah! There are offers for ads and “subscribe to Meta Verified”.

How is me, you wonder? Heto, pagod.

In the wee hours of morn, I am eating my leftover ramen while trying my best to finish the books I am currently reading (for Pinoy Reads Pinoy Books and Nakita sa Booksale pero Hindi Binili). I wasn’t able to write creatively at the moment since my mind is vexed from frustrations of the Corporate, topped with difficult Market movements of Late-stage capitalism and looming anxiety of 5 days onsite expected later this year.

I miss my amigas. We only touch-base in our group chats. I miss the PRPB after-parties and/or walwal nights. And I miss the moments when I can just grab my bag and hike Benguet mountain ranges, or go to Palawan to feel the sea breeze. I may live in a “ivory tower” away from the floods, but I am not invincible not to feel lonely (or be out of touch with reality. yet. I guess?)

You can actually see my bogsa moments in my instagram stories, my older entries in my personal website. Tiktok contents are stale. Maybe I can put a video out sometime this weekend.

I hope you are okay, dear friend. I may be TTTHHHHIIIISSSS tired, but I make a point to set a time to destress. I hope you do, too. Take care of your health. With leptospirosis and coughs and colds around us, I hope you get yourself some vitamins. Don’t forget to drink water. And never forget to rest.

Because when we rest, we dream. And the further we dream, we envision.

And then, we rage against the machine.

Zero Visibility

Hinihintay humupa ang bulong ng
malakas na ulan nang biglang
umugong ang kulog
sa condo na walang katao-tao.
Lahat sila’y nakalusong,
bumibiyahe kasama ang
ingay ng trapik, mga businang
may badya ng pag-aalala.

Naghihintay ako
hanggang alas-kwatro,
titiyempuhin na tumigil
ang alburoto.

Sana ngayong hapon, makapasok ako.
Kung hindi, wala. Work from Home.

Poetics:

I woke up and I saw the rain. Took a photo and drafted something to get the worry out of my system.

Deadline

00:01 PHT, #TheBank MPR Flr 8

Hours ticked as fast as my fingers tapping the keyboard. My eyes were hovering over the number of tax lot breaks all throughout the first half of my day, while a simple glimpse on the phone that never stopped beeping with mail alerts, hours before the cut-off.

Just like New York Stock Exchange, hopeful workshoppers placed their bets on their craft, wishing to be part of this second citywide workshop.

And at the struck of midnight, I sent the last email response:

“Kaibigan, magwagi!

Ikaw ang pinakahuling nagpasa ng akda para sa ikalawang palihang panlungsod ng Pasig!

Mangyari po lamang na hintayin ang anunsyo kung kayo po ang isa sa mga napili na magiging fellow sa darating na 2nd Pasig Writers Workshop.”

Then at 00:01: a radio silence.

PaRosa sa Opisina

Drafted Poem for Literary Tuesday of Mountain Beacon; Didn’t push through since I really sucked at Poetry.

Mula opisina
Tangan ang rosas na nag-iisa
Habang binabata
Ang dibdib sa paggala
Mula BGC hanggang Roma.
Hindi ko kinaya
Ang puyat at pata,
Kaya napilitang pumara
Sa traysikel, una nyang pasada.

Na-realize kong hindi ako marunong tumula…

Nakakawili lang na
Ang tema ay bulaklak sa akda,
At ako’y kumukuda
Habang ang rosa
Ay nakasalpak sa bagong labada,
Mabangong suotin

Mula kay Mama.

Kung Hindi Ako Banker, Ako Ay Writer

14 February 2025
16F Social Lounge #TheBank

Dear M—,

I saw these people and they seem to mock me at my introduction with this newest director in the office:

“Hi, I am Ella. And I am humbly bragging that I am the first woman that US onshore team hired in Managed Platforms Services — and still not moving about! If I am not a banker, I will be a writer — Shaping Pinoy Literary landscape, one story at a time.”

Masama kaya ang magkaroon ng ganoong klaseng vision sa mundong ginagalawan ko? Pasalamat nga sila hindi pa ako nagre-resign eh. I protect my work-life balance because I don’t want to be like them: working long hours and getting hungry, and for zero net benefit. Puyat ka na nga, surang-sura ka pa.

Goodness, I am even underpaid at this point! CPAs within my circle are the leads of professional diaspora and brain drain. Exploring Singapura, Malta, and Luxembourg! Those who stayed have other mouths to feed because they chose to have it so, and yet, they flourish in their respective family lives.

Bigla kong naiisip yung si Nase, the “Pinuno” behind the Ppop sensation. Way back before 2016, he went to UP and attended that Phil-Korean Friendship Summit, came out with a passion and a purpose: na sana, ang Pilipinas ay parang South Korea. Namamayagpag ang export ng sining at kultura, at nagiging source ng turismo ang bawat kanta.

Naisip ko, ganito rin ba ang naiisip nya nang sumubok sya sa auditions ng ShowBT? Habang nilalagari ang paghahanapbuhay bilang Corporate Slave at paghabol sa pangarap, paano siya lumapit sa mga kapamilya niya para lang maging dedicated sa kanyang craft? Pareho naman kaming may suntok sa buwan na purpose sa mundo ah! Hindi naman siguro masama yun. Gusto ko rin ang reach ni Bob Ong mismo! Si Bob Ong na malakas pa rin ang hatak sa mga mas batang henerasyon, ang humubog sa millenial generation sa pamamagitan ng pagkatha ng iba’t-ibang istilo ng pagkukwento.

“Shaping Pinoy Literary landscape, one story at a time.” May mga araw talaga na feeling ko hindi na ako meant dito sa workplace, pero I cannot afford to leave. If that guy has a family to go back to— I don’t. I honestly don’t. In a world where there is class A employee who can simply retire and be a stay-at-home wife, I cannot afford to fail. Heck, I cannot even afford to marry and have a kid! I am old to birth a son, too old to date men poorer than what I earn, and I am heaving in this long apocalypse of hyperinflated prices and a hyperventilate-inducing anxiety.

Gusto ko lang kumuda nang ganito kahaba para lang mawala na ang pagkaasar ko sa tingin ng mga tao sa akin na hindi naniniwala sa pagpapakilala ko sa tao. Kung ayaw nila maniwala, eh di hatdog sa kanila. Basta ako, may purpose na ako. Ito ang paraan ko ng pagbuo sa sarili ko at dahilan sa bawat pagbangon.